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Maria,

I am trying to prepare BEFORE my children become responsible for care decisions for my husband and me. (We are 74 and 72). I would like to get support systems set up BEFORE they are needed in an emergency. (Geriatrician, geriatric care manager, elder law attorney, etc. etc.) Any advice you could give would be wonderful!

Lucille, Akron, OH

Hi Lucille,

I really admire your forward thinking and it just so happens that I am full of advice on this topic!

How do I prepare before my children become responsible for care decisions?

First, write down your thoughts on what you’d like the rest of your life to look like.  Start with where you’d like to live if you continue to be able-bodied.  Then ask yourself what kind of assistance you’d be willing to accept and from whom, if you couldn’t manage completely independently in that setting.  Would you want to move somewhere else if you required help? If so, where would you want to/be willing to move?

Next, consider your health and who is helping you to manage it. Do you trust these providers? If not, make it a top priority to find new ones.

Once you’ve covered housing, home care and health care, it’s time to write a will and designate both a health care proxy and a financial power of attorney. Make certain that whomever you choose not only understand your wishes, but will respect them to the best of their abilities.

Finally, make your children aware of your decisions and be sure to update all involved should they change.

Hope this helps,

Maria

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Mom – Move Closer to Us!

Maria,

My husband and I are in close, regular contact with my mother-in-law and just got back from a lovely visit. She wants to move. She is 86. This happens once or twice per decade although this would be the 3rd
move in 11 years. Each time she makes lists of reasons (needs surrounding social & cultural/arts issues) for the move, documents her current unhappiness and why the move is essential (ASAP).

On the most recent visit we could feel the agenda approaching and we tried to talk to her but it is very hard to talk to her about it without her tears of despair. She struggles with [click to continue…]

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