(And other reasons to get that health care proxy form in place…yesterday.)
If you’ve been putting off completing your health care proxy form (also known as a health care power of attorney), or worse yet, your aging parent has, here’s a tale from the front line that may provide the motivation you’ve been missing.
Everyone’s an Expert
In the immortal words of Sophia Petrillo, Picture it: Your mother’s bedside at the hospital – 2010.
She’s had a stroke after 85 years, six months and two days of excellent health.
She survived – thankfully. And as far as doctors can tell, she’ll have no permanent damage. This is due in large part to the swift action of your daughter who happened to be visiting and didn’t ignore the uneasy feeling that something was wrong.
It’s now several days later and you’re hoping that she’ll soon leave the ICU.
On the mend, but still groggy and disoriented from the medications, your mother needs someone to take charge and make any necessary decisions regarding care. The staff at the hospital looks to you and you’re prepared for this. You’re her only daughter and your mother has told you many times that this is what she would want.
Then it happens.
A nutritionist approaches and what she says throws you for a loop…
“Mrs. Smith, after evaluating your mom, I really do think that she’s ready for a soft food diet instead of the liquids we’ve been giving her for the past several days. “
“Okay…”
“ So you agree with me?”
“Absolutely. You’re the nutritionist.”
“Oh, good. I’d just assumed that you agreed with your cousin about keeping her on the liquid diet and that you had asked her to discuss it with me.”
“My cousin?”
“Yes. She approached me about an hour ago and told me that she’s trained as an EMT and thinks that your mother should stay with the liquid for a few more days. I wouldn’t advise that and told her so, but she said that decisions like this should go through her because she has experience.”
You inhale - slowly. Trying as best you can to slow the blood that is now rushing through your body. You’re very familiar with this cousin of yours and her desire to be “helpful” and you need her “help” as much as you do a hole in your head.
“My cousin has it wrong,” you say, trying hard not to bite a hole through your bottom lip.
“My mother would want me to make the decisions on her behalf, so please make a note of that in the chart.”
“Absolutely,” the nutritionist says, sensing your anger.
As you sit down and throw your head back in disbelief, you know you’ve just gotten lucky. This time, the decision was small, but what if it had been more serious? What if your mother hadn’t done so well and the decision had been about artificial nutrition or the removal of a ventilator?
Now I know that all of this is about as pleasant to think about as a root canal, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. And here’s another reason why:
In most states, the law allows a family member or friend to make health-related decisions on behalf of a patient without a health care proxy who is incapable of making those decisions.
So is there really a difference in the eyes of the law between you and your “helpful” cousin, or brother, or uncle?
Not as much of a difference as you might think.
That said: if your parents are well (and most especially if they’re not), get working on those forms.
If for no other reason than a hospitalization is a crisis and a crisis can turn an EMT into a nutritionist in the blink of an eye…if you know what I mean.
